Prologue

It has been four years since I last attempted to participate in the blogging world. A lot of things happened to my life with those years. I can't imagine it was that long ago though, maybe it means something. what? That I'm getting old--an idea that I should not laugh about.

Looking back.

Well, I made some twists and turns, some good and some bad, but altogether everything was quite an adventure.
My life, how short it was and still is, it has been fun, and pathetic at some point.

But what really happened? four years of nothing?

hm-mm, Should I say that I had an adventure that I can laugh about in the future? quite unbelievable.

yeah it is.

But the mystery of what really happened makes it interesting.


So, moving on.

Updates! Updates!

Some stuff surprised me lately. I was reading "The Brief and Wondrous life of Oscar Wao" last week. and I should say that Junot Diaz is a genius, deserving of the Pulitzer prize. I can clearly connect with Oscar's character, not in a graphic way though, ha ha. I can't imagine myself being extremely overweight.

But some lessons I re-learned are: seeking happiness with what we have and "perseverance-in the name of love!" Hah! I wish.

And so, another chapter of my life has started. My brief and wondrous life.

My story.

And I shall describe it to you the best way I can.

Beyond Forgetting by Rolando Carbonel

For a moment I thought I could forget you.
For a moment I thought I could still the restlessness in my heart. I thought the past could no longer haunt me—nor hurt me. How wrong I was!

For the past, no matter how distant, is as much a part of me as life itself. And you are part of that life. You are so much a part of me—of my dreams, my early hopes, my youth and my ambitions—that in all my tasks I can’t help remembering you. Many little delights and things remind me of you.

Yes, I came. And would my pride mock my real feelings? Would the love song, the sweet and lovely smile on your face, be lost among the deepening shadows?

I have wanted to be alone.
I thought I could make myself forget you in silence and in song...And yet I remembered. For who could forget the memory of the once lovely, the once happy world such as ours?

I came because the song that I kept through the years is waiting to be sung. I cannot sing it without you. The song when sung alone will lose the essence of its tune, because you and I had been one.

I have wanted this misery to end, because it is part of my restlessness. Can’t you understand? Can’t you divine the depth and the tenderness of my feelings towards you? Yes, can’t you see how I suffer in this even darkness without you?

You went away because you mistook my silence for indifference. But silence, my dear, is the language of my heart. How could I essay the intensity of my love when silence speaks a more eloquent tone? But, perhaps, you didn’t understand...

Remember, I came because the gnawing loneliness is there and will not be lost until the music is sung, until the poem is heard, until the silence is understood....until you come to me again.

For you alone can blend the music and memory into one consuming ecstasy. You alone...

my mistaken ecstasy

A PMA plebe knowledge that is an ought to know for cadets. Its a little rude & hurting, but stern and polite.

perhaps i love you before but now i realize how wrong i was to care for you. maybe its time for you to know that we are not meant for each other. yes i was crazy about you when the moments of blindness were not yet realized. because i thought that you loved me and i love you too...

love may be blind but can understand only do lovers try. i adore you in the past years , yes i never denied any feelings. i thought i couldn't live without you. i came to the climax of the dream, the dreams that you and i participated. yesterday you were my inspiration. now the world denies my feelings belief. here i am laughing at myself because of these mistakes. anyway, you'll understand that to find these new heartaches is too strange. i am happy to live without you. to live with someone who loves so much is so beautiful.

but please forget me, hate me....

i shall go in the right way for me, somehow, somewhere. and i don't care if i'll be hurt again. i will only raise my head and proudly say:

.... that my woman is more wonderful than you are.